Justice Angel
by AoiNoKitsune
Summary: 21-my very first. Duo comes out to Heero and... heck, the usual crap ..; But worth reviewing, or so I hope? ... updated! Dedicated to all of those who reviewed. THNX!
1. Duo

*Disclaimer: This work is NOT meant for sale or any other way of profit, it was created for entertainment only.All rights reserved to Shin Kidosenki Gundam Wing belong to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and other people that created and realized the project. 

* * *

GW fanfic: **Justice Angel  
**(2+1)  
_Kitsune  
_December 2001

*Warnings: romance, angst (with a ... um... happy ending? ^^; )  
***Author's notes:   
**This. Is. My. First. Fic. It sucs, I can tell, and somewhere in the furture I promise to rewrite it. Well anyway... Ayu-san, happy birthday!

* * *

Haven't you heard?

...

I've said it. Yeah, to you.  
Right now, right here.

Don't ask a thing, don't ask me why. I just do. I just...

Quatre enters the living room. As he sees us he smiles, gentle eyes glowing in their usual crystal blue.  
"Hello, Duo, Heero."  
He sits on the couch, drawing one of his countless thousand-paged books.

I glance at Heero. He seems like blasting up! His gritted fists rest anxiety by his hips, the muscles on his arms shift under his tight skin. I'm screwed, man. He's going to beat the last breath out of me... He would already, but then he'd have to give explanations to Quatre or perhaps leave the estate... 

We have to finish what we started.  
I'm not scared...

I've been preparing myself for this. After all, it doesn't matter if he kills me – I'd die sooner or later either way, or because of the war, or simpler of the fact of keeping in my heart such huge and painful secret. It would wring me out for shore.

"We're going to check out Wing and Death Scythe," I sigh as I talk to Quatre. Smile. I have to smile. This is perhaps the last time I talk to him. He's been always good to me, sweet and caring. He's surely headed for heaven. May you find your happiness, my sweet one.

Quatre looks back at me, his face glowing.  
"Ok, Duo-kun," he smiles. It's the fairest smile I've ever seen from him. I ruffle his gold locks and grin. Who made you so cute? With his puzzled glare still on me I look at Heero. The cobalt gaze freezing my eyes. 

"Shall we go, Heero?"   
I can't manage to grin this time.

"Hai."

He walks firmly pass me and disappears trough the door. I smile to Quatre. I would hug him now, he's been such a good friend for me this whole time... I turn on my heels and walk away. No time, the justice angel's waiting for me.

As I walk along the dark corridor I see Heero walking a meter beyond me, his lime tank top veils among him as the air in the corridor swings about us. 

I can swear I saw wings flap out of his back for a second… Nay, It was probably my imagination. I grab on my cross and whisper a prayer. Heero stops and turns round.

I crouch down - my time has come.

"Say it again," he demands. His voice cold, killing, slashing trough me.  
I don't dare to gaze up. Must I really get trough all that again? After a brief moment of hesitating I open my mouth. Jet I can't say it. My voice has faded away.

Heero draws his gun pointing it at me.  
"Say it again...!" His voice a groan this time.

I lean my hands on the floor. Gosh, they're shaking! I'm full of shivers... every single part of my body trembles! I must look so pathetic and helpless right now... Damit, I've already lost a great part of my dignity so... to hell with it. I'm gonna die for what I believe in. Here's Shinigami's last blow.

"I..." I look up. His cobalt gaze icily cold, his dark brown hair muffled, the lime tank-top flowing about him... My tenshi... my only...

"... I love you, Heero."

His cobalt eyes shift. Probably with hate or disguise.  
I close my eyes and lay my forehead on the silencer of his gun. It's true. I haven't lied, my soul is pure. It's up to you now, my angel. 

Will you please end my pain?  
Will you please blow away my brain,  
So I won't think of you anymore?  
Will you please shoot me in the heart  
So it will make me lone for you no more?

A low shot bows in the hall. 

Here I go, here goes Shinigami. Dying beyond the hand of an angel. No pain, no regret. Thank you, Heero, now my love for you can last in eternity.

I can hear something dang on the floor, it seems metal... but it's not my cross. And I can't feel the cool oval of the silencer anymore. What the hell happened? 

I gaze up, where Heero stood but... he's not there anymore. On my left I can see the perfect soldier's gun, tossed on the ground, the hall's lights playing on it's cold metal surface. Light smoke lifting from it's top.

I hear footsteps coming up to me and a shadow falls over me.

"Duo?"

Wu Fei lifts me on my feet and makes me gaze into his dark eyes. He's blurred, everything is dancing beyond me...

"Why are you crying? What happened? Speak!" he shakes me.

I'm sorry, Chang, I can't. I should have been dead by now, with a big hole between my eyes...

"Duo...!" he cries. The tone of his voice lower, less angry. 

I'm loosing ground. I feel so weak... 

I lean on Chang for support, I cannot dare to stand on my feet by my own. I can feel my knees going jelly, I draw quickly my arms around my friend's neck. My heavy spinning head finds it's place on his shoulder.

He holds me. He brushes his cheek upon my own, holding me so tightly on his chest that it almost hurts. 

"Duo no baka..." his voice... trembling? I'm not sure, the world seems slowly fading to black...

I'm lifted fully in his arms, my eyes closing...

"Don't ever do it again! You're ... you're too important to me... to us all!! STUPID BAKA!!"

Oh great, he thinks I tried to suicide myself... well he's partly right. But my plan failed. The justice angel decided to make me suffer a few moments longer. Until I'll reach the bottom and fall asleep by myself.

Wu Fei's chest shakes, I hear his sharp sighs near my cheek... 

Doesn't he know it's not worth to hold on Death? You have to pay a high price to do so, you have to give your life... But for me it's different. I've lived to die, to veil myself with darkness and blood and then fade away.

"... Don't you understand, you baka?! We love you ...I love you..." 

They love me? No, Chang, Heero doesn't love me... That's why I don't give a damn care about the war and the world nor the colonies... That's why I don't love myself. So how can anyone else?

"Urgh... "

Darkness grieves me. Only Chang's strong arms make me aware blood is still pumping trough my limp body.

~ * ~

"...Duo, ...Duo, can you her me?"

That soft voice... Where have I heard it before? 

"Uh... Trowa?"

My voice is so weak... It's sorta rasping, I probably hadn't talked in a while... I open my eyes slowly. As I get used to the light I can see Trowa sitting on the bed near me holding a thermometer in his hand. His emerald eyes turn soft in relieve.

"Oh, joy! Chang, Duo has awoken!" I hear Quate's voice and soon the blonde head is on my chest, slender arms around me.

"Duo...!"

He eyes me, I can sense hidden tears in those wide crystal eyes. 

"Don't hurt us anymore, OK?" he smiles tenderly and then leans a kiss in my forehead... Where...

where...

the gun was placed... 

My eyes shift around the room. "Where's Heero?"

A hand covering mine. A strong callous hand caresses softly my fingers... Heero?

"You don't need him. I'm... we're here." Wu Fei... it's Wu Fei. I gaze into those unfathomable black eyes so strangely soft and full of affection... 

No, Chang, I do need him. I love him. "Where's Heero?" I ask again.

Trowa stands up from the bed, his eyes mesmerized somewhere between the window and the bed. Quatre sighs gloomily, his eyes placed on Trowa's back, fingers shifting. They don't wish to tell me...

I try to sit up. God, I'm really weak! A pair of strong arms holds me up. The ones that didn't let me die. Chang's arms.

"He... left. He won't hurt you anymore, Duo, ever again..."

Left?! When? Why? How? He... hasn't finished his mission jet... "No!" I tight up all my aching muscles to drag out of Chang's arms, out of the bed.

"Duo stop! You're still weak!" Quatre yelps leaping on his feet. "Duo, please!" He wants to run behind me but I can see with the corner of my eye Trowa's hand on his shoulder.

Trowa knows. He understands...

I run as fast as I can to Heero's room. It's not true. It can't be true...

But as weak as I am I stumble, my body hits the ground. My long hair is all about me, I forgot it's not braided up.

"Duo, why can't you understand?" I'm drawn in strong embrace again. It feels good physically, but my heart... it breaks of pain at every Chang's touch, it feels similar as Heero's would... I guess... jet I'll never know. I don't care. I just want to see him again. I want to gaze in that arctic cobalt sea... Just once more...

"You're wrong, Chang. I do understand. That's why I need to see Heero..." I grasp on his blue top as he takes me back to my room.

And I'm going to find you my angel... so you can end my apocalypse.

~*End of part one 

~*~

Justice Angel  
Part two 

I can feel my heartbeat strong  
When I dream I'm near you  
Jet it tells me It's so wrong  
What I feel about you

And I know you hate me now  
I know you don't love me  
I know it cause it's what I saw  
When you gazed upon me

Feeling 'lone I now here stand  
Hope you'll never know it.  
Life goes on, my precious friend  
But I don't want to join it.

Arms draw around my waist. It's the touch I know so well now, the one I feel every day, every night. Chang. He pulls me gently off the fence and holds me close.

My body is limp. I don't feel, I don't care. I don't talk, I don't eat, I don't sleep... I walk around the estate like a shadow. I come here often, to the observatory room. It's my little crest of death, my graveyard. The Duo Maxwell that I was died that very day, the justice angel has killed him after all. But he left his corpse. And as I try to reach myself again there always are hands that stop me, hold me, take me down from the fence that I have to jump from. Is this really called life?

I haven't got on any missions ever since then, the guys don't let me. Trowa says I still need to rest and Quatre forces me to eat. Just this morning he broke in tears over me, begging me to take a spoon of soup in my mouth. Ever seen Quatre cry? The pure crystal tears on his beautiful elfin face make you feel guilty of everything, even breathing! No wonder I ate... 

But I can't stop thinking about Heero. I wonder where he is now... and how he managed to run away so fast... he's inhuman... he's an angel...

"Come, Duo," Chang whispers in my ear. His hands rubbing gently at my back. He moves back a bit, to see my eyes and he clenches his arms about my waist. He gazes upon me, his face serious, an abyss of worry within his true black almond eyes.

"I won't let you go," he whispers.

I'm grateful for all he's done for me, but this time I need to be let go. My life would stop hurting me.

He leans closer and kisses me on the lips. 

It's my first kiss, but I don't feel it. I let his lips move on mine, his tongue inside my mouth.

Heero, where are you?

~ * ~

"It's Wing! Master Winner!" Rashid runs into the living room. Quatre hops on his feet from the sofa, book on the floor.

"You sure, Rashid?" he asks his Arabian servant, Trowa standing by his side like his shadow. The servant nods.

Heero... He has come back...

"Duo..." Quatre moves back on the sofa again, close to me. He smiles fairly at me and his eyes turn soft. "Duo, aren't you happy?"

Happy? I forgot what it's like to be happy. And why do they keep calling me Duo? I'm just a walking corpse. Heero hated Duo Maxwell, he'll hate his corpse too, so there's no reason for me to try to find out what happiness is again. It would be better for me to be dead and forgotten as I should be now...

I look away and stand up. 

"I don't know, Quatre," I say coldly. My hair embraces my shoulders. I haven't braided it down for a long time now. I just tie it in a pony tail so it doesn't stick around or mess up. It's actually the one and only thing that keeps me going. My only goal in my life now is to take care of it. I get out of bed in the mornings just because I have to brush it, otherwise I'd just stay in bed. It's hard anyway. I've lost lots of weight and I got fragile and skinny. I know I'll die sooner or later, it's just a matter of time. 

Quatre's wide eyes confused, sad. He stands up, arms open in despair. "I don't get it, Duo! Don't you love him?"

I stand immobile. 

Love. The feeling that got me in this state in the first place. But do I still... the feelings faded away, I'm not sure. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to see Heero anymore. I want to die without him seeing me. I leave them, walking upstairs.

The stairs are so dark and wide, the stairway long... I've got it trough so many times and so many times I tried to reach Death... jet I never made it. I'll succeed this time. I have to.

The stairs end, there's only one door beyond me. The observatory room. It's dark, cold as always. I walk peacefully across the shining blue floor. I stand next to the telescope, it's shadow falls over my pale figure.

Chang isn't going to stop me this time. I've hurt him with my coldness... Last night he cradled me to my room, to my bed. He unbuttoned my shirt, revealed my whole body, covered it with kisses, his hands everywhere upon my pale skin but I... I hadn't felt anything... So he stopped and sat on the edge of my bed, just watching me. He caressed my face at last, stroking my hair off of it. Then he left.

In the morning Quatre told me he left for a mission, his eyes sad.

Gomen, Chang, gomen. It seems that wherever love springs around me something about me makes it fade away. It's sad... I guess.

As I recall the time I first saw Heero, I think I knew even then that I would fall in love with him. And that I would suffer. So I shot him, I could kill him, yet I couldn't. Even then I saw those white wings spreading trough the air about him. 

When I was living in the curch father Maxwell told me that I'm no normal child. He said I can see the world, I can feel what other persons can't. He told me I'm an angel, an angel torn away from heaven, whom will kill many people because of God's will. 

I didn't knew what he meant. I never knew that angels could kill before. I told him I wouldn't want to kill cause then I'd be lonely and sad.

Father Maxwell dipped his hand in his monkish suit and brought out a cross. He hung it around my neck. He then smiled and at me and said that I wouldn't be lonely. That a justice angel, sent by God, would come for me. And then lots of tall man dressed in dark came. They brought chaos and disaster... I gripped on father Maxwell's suit, as close as I could. I noticed he was calm, his face a pure reflection of piece. He begun praying. 

And then they crashed into the church, bullets flying everywhere. 

Suddenly father Maxwell begun to fall, his hands still clenched in a prayer. His body fell on the altar, his blood tracing over it, dipping the snow white tablecloth. 

I was lost as a child but found as a pilot, a soldier in the saddle of Death Scythe, the apocalypse gundam.

Jet I still couldn't understand what father Maxwell meant, there were still puzzles missing... Until I met Heero. And I was sure the prophecy would come true when I got captured. He was the one to come and point a gun at me. He should have killed me then. I saw those wings again, those slender feathers, white as snow, pure as tears.

Something went wrong. He let me live, he even saved me... I almost thought he loved me then... I felt alive, full of hope, full of love... so I told him.

And here I am, dyeing.

I walk to the balcony and caress the cold metal fence. It almost feels funny how I can imagine it calling me. I glance at the harbor, at Death Scythe. It seems I have killed as much as God wanted me, there's only one victim to be made.

I climb up the fence.

The view is beautiful. The stars are bright and the night is so chill. I reach for my ponytail and I set my hair free leaving the light breeze play with it.

This is it.

Heero,...   
... I've loved you. I'm doing it for you.

The breeze turns into a strong wind and I let myself go. I'm falling, for real. I wonder if it's gonna hurt when I hit the ground since my body doesn't feel anymore...

The air steam has stopped, and there's a rumor of an engine. I open my eyes and I...

I see two cobalt blue eyes, deep and dark. Heero. I gaze upon him, coldly... but I'm amused too. He's crouching on Wing's opened cockpit, holding me. He caught me, he interfered with the fall. Why? Why has he stopped me?

"Duo no baka...!" A tear slides down his cheek. Heero... Why are you crying, tenshi? He sweeps me on his chest, he holds me close.

"Why don't you let me die, Heero? Don't ya wanna kill me?" I muff in his shoulder.

He doesn't say a thing. He brings me inside Wing and closes the cockpit. We now sits in the command chair, I'm in his lap. He pulls some levers and I can feel the gundam take off. He sets some coordinates and then pushes on the auto pilot. He then gazes on me.

It's strange, his eyes seem alive now. He strokes softly my hair and then gently pulls me down on him. As his hands draw about me I see his wings again. My dear dear tenshi... 

"Aishiteru too," comes somewhere from above me. "Gomen, If it took me so long... Duo."

It's OK, my koi, my only.

I can feel a new and strong flame within my heart. I feel like living again. I feel like loving, I feel like talking and I'm hungry and tired. I nuzzle above Heero's collarbone and close my eyes.

I love you so much, tenshi. Don't leave my side. Ever again.

~*Owari 

* * *

Kitsu: *turns big glistering eyes at the readers* Please send me some feedback, please! Alright; PRETTY PLEASE!! I'll even force Duo and Heero to make out in your bathroom for you! I'll do anything! . duo_loves_heero_@hotmail.com 


	2. Heero

*Disclaimer: This work is NOT meant for sale or any other way of profit, it was created for entertainment only.All rights reserved to Shin Kidosenki Gundam Wing belong to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and other people that created and realized the project. 

* * *

****

Justice Angel - Crash and Burn  
_Kitsune  
_July 2003

* Warnings: 1+2, 3+4, a bit of violence, Heero's POV (now, ain't he a chatterbox inside?)  
*** Author's notes:   
**Due to a whole lot of unexpected encouragement, I've written another chapter. I'm really flattened that you all liked the first one and I hope this one lives up to your expectations. I've written it listening to "Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden (it's such a wonderful and comforting song!) so if you can, I suggest reading this chapter to it. It gains a whole new dimension ^^ but then, with Darren singing, can you expect anything less?  
* I dedicate it to all of those who reviewed. It was written on their behalf after all =) Arigato!!

* * *

"Odin Lowe Jr., correct?"

A strict faced lawyer in a void-black suit looks down on me, his small eyes slit up even tighter from behind his thick glasses and I could have sworn they flashed malevolently crimson even if for the slightest of moments.

"Hai."

"Speak English, Mr. Lowe," he corrects me threateningly, towering above me, "for there IS a reason of why it is called the international language."

How true. I have nothing against English, but one stops to wonder whether is it right for it to take the place of the language of our hearts. I know, it's not up to me to judge, especially not now when my own existence is being judged, but for what it is worth I'd give my life gladly if I knew it could help build a better world.

"Yes," I answer him coldly, eyeing him expressionlessly like I eye everybody... well, not quite anymore.

He seems to be expecting an insulted look from me because he nearly looks frustrated. "Was your code name Heero Yuy?"

"It's not anymore," I tell him simply.

His lips twitch in a satisfied curve. "I thought you were told quite clearly that your answers are strictly to remain either affirmative or negative-" he pauses dramatically savoring the glorious moment that he and he alone seems to feel, "so answer properly, Mr. Lowe."

"Yes."

He takes a few steps back, as if wanting to take in my whole form sitting tight on a hard wooden stool, cuffed to it with titanium cuffs as if I were a mistrustful madman- boy. I'll be 18 by the end of the month, but only if I get to live so long. His now thin-silted eyes bore into my own, frustratingly so when I don't seem needing to flinch away anytime soon. "Are you aware of how many federation soldiers came to die beyond the power of your mecha?"

I feel like telling him as much as they bothered to interfere with my missions, but I settle for the inevitable "No."

He lifts an eyebrow, his eyes never letting mine go as his searing voice echoes trough the death-quiet judgement hall "Are you aware of how many federation soldiers came to die beyond your own hands?"

Again, I answer him no. Why would I count the lives I've taken? Unlike Commander Kusherenada, I don't believe we are dead until our loved ones keep on loving us. I believe it's not about remembrance or names carved in marble.

"Was your life in danger less you'd kill?"

"No," it wasn't. I could have refused to follow Dr. J's orders and he couldn't have done a single thing about it. But I lived to do what I was ordered to, unquestioningly. I couldn't live in a world without war, as much as I fought to achieve it. I still fight, but it's a different fight with different enemies, even when my only, most precious allay remained the same.

"Did you kill willingly?"

"Yes," how could I not? Death was by my side as long as I cradled my faith...

"So you accept the full credit for it?"

"Yes," I do. I have nothing to hide.

"NO!"

The lawyer's head whirls around and I know his eyes are scanning the crowd to find the source of the interruption, just like mine and nearly everybody else's. A flushed form is standing in the massive doorway and I know, had it been someone else, the policemen guards now standing shocked out and clearly reluctant by the sides would have made quick work of the intrusion. Proud and tall, upon the crimson colored carpet leading up from the entrance to the judge's desk, walks the honey blonde form of Relena Peacecraft. "Heero Yuy was given orders, your honor! And he blew Peace Million saving the Earth!"

The judge merely throws her a dismissive glance, hammering firmly twice to shut her down. "You're not given the permission to speak at this hearing," he tells her manner-of-factly, "leave the hall immediately."

She fumes visibly, looking him straight up in the eyes with a stubborn expression stilling her smooth features, "But I do have the permission to watch this hearing, your honor."

She seems to be right because after a brief scanning pause the judge nods reluctantly. "Very well, Miss Peacecraft. Take a seat and stay quiet." And she does, angrily so. With the crowd's eyes following her every step, she pushes onto a bench next to Noin on what was supposed to be my defense side, was I given to right to a lawyer. But even so, I don't think I would have asked for one. Why would I crave the forgiveness of a world that's never going to accept me, that I'll never accept?

"Thank you, your honor," I can hear the lawyer cough sleekly, but it feels as though I'm not there anymore.

I remember Duo saying it's never wise to say never. My mind is suddenly full of indigo eyes and flashing smiles and I wonder whether I'll see Shinigami once more before I die. I'm faith-driven now, but I wasn't back then, I've even toyed with my love's fate without wanting to, without knowing I did. I cried my eyes out into those chestnut locks every night until soft lips came to kiss my tears away and firm soothing hands drew me into a calming embrace. I couldn't believe he's forgiven me.

"Well, Mr. Lowe, I have only one question left," the lawyer's telling me as his eyes bore into mine again. "Is it true that you preserve a relationship of homosexual nature with Mr. Duo Maxwell?"

The air is kicked out of my lungs and I sharpen my gaze, wanting to blow up his brain. So it IS about the war I'm fighting now. So this is why I am being amputated here, limb by limb, while others are simply given 30 years of community service. So it's not about what I did, but what I am, who do I love.

"Yes." A wave of rather abruptly loud murmurs fills the hall. Is this the justice of the world I've sacrificed myself to save?

Triumphantly, like I expected he would, the lawyer turns to the judge and watches him eagerly while he hammers for silence. "Your honor, that concludes my questioning. As I have told you before, we're dealing with a case of irreversible, trained-up psyche." His eyes unlit as he digs his gaze into my own, eloquently telling me he's won me over. "I believe this teen a threat to *normal* society, just like his lot."

My... lot? The other Gundam Pilots were questioned too? But Duo never said anything abo-

"Very well," the judge nods to my horror, the one that unexpectedly shows on my face. Will Duo be judged too? Will they kill him? It doesn't matter if I die, I've *really* been trained to kill and kill alone for as long as I recall, but for the others it's different. Quatre has only made the choice shortly before the war started, Trowa too because he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, WuFei did to honor the life of whom he most valued, and Duo... Duo came down to it to awake the guilty conscience of the faithless...

"Odin Lowe, aged 17, accepts he's guilty and so is to be constricted until the finding of his tutor. That is the court's judgment." And he hammers again, one last time.

What court? He never asked for their opinion! I'm frozen in my seat, hands balled in fists against the titanium cuffs. Again, chatter fills the hall and I feel pulled on my feet by one of the guards. In my numb shock I gaze up into his face and I see his features twisted with disgust, his hands firm on my shirt, still he holds me as far from himself as he can, as if I swelled with plague. Plague... yes I've heard homosexuals being called that, the plague within the society. As he nearly drags me up to the door, obviously eager to get away and wash his hands as quickly as possible, I hear Relena call my name in a voice cracked with tears but it dies away in the chatter of the crowd. Something odd's happening though, nobody's getting up to leave, almost as if... As if-

"Leave me alone!! I can walk by myself, ya know!"

I recognize the silken tones, even if they're embed with anger, and my whole world, this unjust, dirty world that I had no choice but to be born into, sinks into the pit of my stomach.

His does too, as indigo eyes meet mine.

It's him, he's my world now. He's my sun, my moon, my wishing star. He's my breath, my step, my sanctuary, my home... So it's downright heartbreakingly shattering to see him like that, clothes messed from a failed attempt to struggle for freedom, buttons popped, braid messed up, flushed, stiff, with a swelling purple bruise straining his otherwise wonderfully smooth pale cheek. ... D-

"Duo,-" I cry out, my voice cracking. 'Save yourself, tell them you're innocent, tell them *I* forced you to kill, tell them *I* raped you, tell them whatever it takes, whatever the fuck they want to hear... just... fucking save yourself!' was what I want to tell him, but as he passes me his eyes are dark and filled with sincere devotion, the one that I know would be his downfall. Our downfall. For what I read in them is only one thing...

'I won't live without you.'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm uncuffed and pushed in a dark cellar. Have I been myself I would have broken free a thousand times already but- I would be late no less. Duo is being questioned, he's being judged... why haven't there been any warning?

"Get in, ya faggot!"

I stumble over the threshold of a fortified-walled room, pushed in unexpectedly by the guard that had to bother escorting me. I land half-way on my face, my reflexes all too numb from the shock to kick in fast enough. Without a single whimper or shift I keep lying there, thinking all of a sudden of how familiarly cool the metal floor is. The same-metalloid door booms shut behind me and as the echoes tumble off the walls, realization hits me. It's Gundanium, the only metal tougher than Titanium. Ironic as it may sound, I feel I'm back home, back imprisoned in between those four walls of Wing's cockpit. Back then nothing mattered outside those walls, nothing but my missions.

Times change and people do along with them, inevitably. Now things do matter, things outside the walls I'm gazing at, things- people like... Duo. But he's going to join me soon enough, ... Duo no baka...

"You've got a lovely name," a whisper touches my ears and I push up on my elbows, barely lifting my head from the floor.

In a corner across the metal room Quatre is resting his golden head in Trowa's lap, fiddling absently with the sleeve of the arm that the boy isn't using to caress his shiny hair. "'Tritton'..." he mutters as if in awe. He closes his eyes softly, desperate tears sliding quietly onto the denim-clad pillow that are Trowa's folded legs.

Emerald eyes greet mine silently as I lift my gaze up onto Trowa's face. I don't need to hear him mouth anything, I know he understands, he always does. It's what makes him the only person alive capable of feeling love as intense as Quatre's. And in those emerald eyes I find the very same exact worry that clouds my own - as if mirrored, I see my desolation, my hopes, my despair. They're the same, no matter if there for two different people, we love them just as deeply.

A silent rustle of clothes and my eyes snap sideways towards the sound. In a lone corner WuFei is resting his head back against the wall, looking up into his own reflection gazing back at him from the Gundanium-smooth ceiling, unseeing. Maybe he's thinking of Treize... or maybe he doesn't care anymore. His crow-black locks have grown remarkably up from the last time I've seen him. His ponytail is pooling loosely halfway down his chest and he's grown an elegant w beard. If anything, he looks like a prince that's lost his love third time over, even when they say third time's a charm.

Sometimes I wonder whether Duo would be offered a better life with him, have I denied him the heaven that he's been meant to take part of? I find it hard to believe when he says my touch is all he needs to feel, my lips all he needs to kiss, my eyes all he needs to look upon, my hand all he needs to hold, my love all he needs to breathe himself alive. I keep feeling as though I don't deserve his heart. How could I? I'm the most bloodstained, soulless person in this universe, intuitively driven to fight and kill... what ever could I offer him? Stone looks? Callused hands, thin cold lips, semi-emotionless heart? ... who'd ever want that?

Chang would know how to protect him and take care of him. With Wu Fei, there would be no need for Duo to breed himself out of all of the daily insults, morbid discrimination, unexpected dark alley riots... he wouldn't have to hide or move from place to place, colony to colony, just to find a moment of suspiration. Duo keeps telling me he likes it that way, that he's always lived like that, but... It's ripping me inside. This fugitive shadow-like lifestyle is all I have to offer, all I'll ever be able to offer him. It may sound thrilling and adventurous now that we're still young but it'll all be another song when we grow old, when our feet won't carry us fast enough to escape...

What the hell am I thinking... -for as how things stand, it seems we won't live another month, let alone grow old. And even if we were given another chance, Duo would never listen to me. He'd tell me that we're young only once in a lifetime and that we shouldn't waste it on thinking how will life turn out with years to spare. It's the way he is. One of the whys I want to live by his side. With him I'm... human. I feel, I smile, I joke, I love. But it's not so much what *I* want, it doesn't even matter, it's what's best for him. And right now, because of me, nothing is.

Damn, I feel like crying. Lately I often find tears in my eyes for the most stupid things, if any reason at all. They're just... there all of a sudden. I think they're about this anguish, this stupid instinct we all have, to submit and melt into society. But it's not so much that I *don't*, it's more that I *can't*. It would mean to lock myself away, to find a home and make a family, have a stable job, pay taxes, watch my children grow... to forget Duo. To shut down the only pulse of life that still keeps rocking my heart. Suicide.

I heard it said it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but it's not true. Sometimes you love too deeply, too truly, with your whole heart and soul, with your every breath. And your love is just too thoroughly rooted within you to let you forget. Yet... what would I know, I've never been taught what love is, I wasn't even supposed to experience it, I wasn't supposed to become human.

There's a rasp of a hard metallic key turning in the keyhole and I forcefully drag myself into a crouch, still numb all over. I briefly wonder how long have I been lying on the floor when the door springs open and my answer comes stumbling towards me, braid flying. It seems long enough for the questioning to end. I reach out blindly pushing myself off the floor and break his fall. He isn't as frail not survive the impact, far from that, but sometimes I believe we don't need a reason to protect whom we love, for isn't the feeling alone a reason strong enough? With an armful of a silently whimpering Duo, I fix the guard with the coldest look I can master. It's not hard, I feel like beating him into a boneless pulp anyway.

He stares back at me with a surprised glare that's nearly bordering on fear, but still he seems to remember his advantage in position, I'm a prisoner - he's the law. He turns on his heels, smirking, and the door booms shut behind him.

Again, the silence grieves. Duo holds on to me for a few sinking moments, still as if frozen, yet I can almost feel the anger racing hot trough his veins. Not being the type to bear something as ridiculous as despair, he then suddenly snaps out of my embrace, holding my face in his hands. "Heero," he calls me even though I'm sure he now knows my real name. Devoted violet eyes, rimmed with tears, melt with mine and he whispers, "Let's get the hell out of here."

It kicks me to life. Furiously, unquestioningly as if an angel's call from within the abysses of the earth it tumbles off the walls of my soul, setting me ablaze. I come alive underneath his hands, cell after cell, and he's all I want to see, his wishes mine, his words all I want to hear, and he whispers to me; "I see your wings..."

His lips meet mine lightly and I take off for the sky for the most wonderful of moments and I know, that when I'll come back to earth, I'll be able to handle anything, everything anybody will place on my way. Like a beast snapping out of trance I come to and his eyes meet mine again, taming me, commanding me; loving me. As if bending time we snap apart on an unspoken command, I to examine the walls, he goes for the lock.

It's the way we are when we're together; two hearts, one mind; unstoppable. I can't see how he's doing and the same goes for him, but it proves to be irrelevant, we count on each other and do whatever it takes not to let the other down. Yet I know, and he knows that in truth we could never disappoint each other as long as the sanctuary of love keeps our hearts at peace.

Perfectly, nearly frenetically, I glide my fingers over the surface, rapping it here and there. Solid gundanium, a foot wide, everywhere, I notice. But it does seem to have melt-traces. Probably it was instantly made in haste specially for our little reception, brought here in pieces and then just melted together with a final strait. So the corners and junctions must only have an inch or two of gundanum reinforcement, which... I turn to the door that Duo is trying to lockpick. Which means the door itself must be weaker than what it may seem. If I am correct then maybe I can force it, even if it does open to the inner side.

There's a small round air conduct, too small in diameter for me to stick my hand in, but nonetheless perfect. The Gundanium strate that it ribbons is just as thick as the one on the door, so if I can crack this-one, I'll crack the other too, as simple as that. Pain is irrelevant. It'll be replaced by happiness and joy the moment I know my love is safe and free, not before. I want to reach that moment, don't I? Is it even a question? I crack my knuckles silently and inhale, slightly bending back to gather force. Every fiber of my muscles strains under my concentration and I'm ready to blow but...

A cool hand grips my wrist and my eyes snap up instantly. Wu Fei.

"Don't," he says, ebony eyes unreadable, "I have reinforcements on the way."

Reinforcements. Somebody'll pull us out - acknowledged. But what I can't acknowledge is why has he stopped me. By what human nature dictates, he'd have a reason wanting to see me hurt, I know as much. I'm the one that Duo thought of when he was pouring his heart out to him, I'm the obstacle he didn't surpass, the destiny that he couldn't change because it wasn't his and his alone, I now have the love he once craved then and perhaps, deep down, still does, so... why has he stopped me from slamming my fist upon the wall?

"Really, Woo?" I hear Duo whisper short behind me, and the Chinese's eyes refocus on him, softening. From within those void-deep depths I recognize Duo's face as if rimmed by the most tender of emotions. "Who?" it asks gently. Wu Fei lets go of my wrist and turns on his heel as if in denial, white cape billowing behind him as he walks back into his corner to regain his previous position.

I feel my wrist carefully, eyes darting to the spot on the wall I was about to hit. Even with reinforcements, wouldn't things work out better with us escaping from this hole of a jail? I'm reconsidering to try it out anyway when Wu Fei answers Duo's question...

"Epyon."

Again my eyes snap at him, this time hinted with surprise. From the opposite corner, Quatre's voice comes to life in disbelieve, "Milliardo Peacecraft... ?!"

"Zechs..." I spit, confirming.

"When?" Duo wants to know and the Chinese eyes his watch,

"Due 24 minutes."

"This is wonderful!" cries Quatre, springing to his feet. He runs next to Duo's side, gentle features smiling angelically, "How have you ever managed to contact him? Why haven't you told us...?"

I leave them chatter, seating myself down next to Trowa. I feel... disappointed in a way. Haven't I woed to protect my love? Wasn't I the one that was supposed to save the matter? It's not about show-off or heroism, far from that. It's about me and the promise I did to myself that I didn't keep. Truly, Wu Fei would have been a better match for Duo. He could keep every singe promise, his pride would not allow him to live otherwise. Perhaps I shouldn't have came back, and he should have stayed, and who knows if Duo's life would have been brighter now...

"Heero," Trowa calls me and I dig my eyes into his. As if fishing the thoughts out of my head, in silence his emerald gaze answers all of my questions, reassures me on all of my doubts. Without intrusion he understands me, he clears my conscience ever so soothingly.

And as on cue, Duo curls to my side, nuzzling into me lovingly. "Isn't this great, Heero?" he whispers to me, planting a long relieving kiss underneath my earlobe. His braid slides from his shoulders and pools warmly onto my chest, like it does every night, and I let my fingers slide loosely trough it's end, those fingers that I had the intention of breaking upon the Gundanium. I sigh, relaxing, melting into Duo's warm embrace.

"Hai," I mumble. Arigato gozaimasu Duo, thank you for loving me. Arigato gozaimasu Wu Fei, thank you for accepting it, for as much as it must have hurt.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

An hour later I'm watching out of a jet's window, marveling the stars. Duo is falling asleep on my shoulder and the other passengers are giving us strange looks, noticing the fact that my arm rests draped around his waist, but I couldn't care less.

Zechs came, as Wu Fei promised, and right on time, too. He literally made his way in with Epyon, snatching us out and fleeing the scene long before the army could react. He left us all on the next nearest colony and flew away without a word.

We figured public jet transport was a untraceable as they get so we decided on it. Before parting ways I left to Duo to handle the jet tickets and cornered Wu Fei, thanking him, but he wouldn't hear it. "The only way I want you to thank me is by loving him. With all of your being," he told me and disappeared in the crowd. If he would have stayed, then maybe he would have heard me say that I do thank him if that was the case, all the time, always will, but I think he knew anyway.

Now, as it is, I figure fate was sufficiently generous in my regards. Every bit of my life, even the most painful memories, everything has a meaning. And I wouldn't change a bit of it, for I know, that missing a moment would have brought me to become a different person, but not only me. Through mine, even the lives of those around me would have changed. Then maybe I couldn't be sitting here, holding Duo against me, holding my future firmly in my hands, no matter how frail...

Life is frail. The slightest breeze and your candle is blown to smoke. That's why it's not what makes us human. What brings out the best in us is love, and my love for Duo will never wind away, I promise you, Wu Fei.

~*Owari 

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Kitsu: Ookaay... so how d' you like it? DO you even like it? Should I continue and how so? R&R! ^_^ 


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